Glacial Waters
by Code Purple
Summary: What if you were gone, and then you weren't? Might be a little of a problem, right? That's Jessica's problem, and she's still working out the trials and errors. The results? A little crazy. /Self insert, OC.
1. Confusion

**I'm not even really in this fandom... Whatever. I hopped along the Self Insert train, and, hopefully, with somewhat of a twist.**

**...I probably made her a gaddamn Mary-Sue.**

**Anyway, welcome to Glacial Waters! You'll probably get the title once I actually start ****_writing _****this.**

**I like to think I was inspired by Dreaming of Sunshine, Hacia el sol, Little Acorn, Distorted Reality, and all the others on this crazy train...**

**But honestly I just wrote this at two AM with no plot oops.**

* * *

Cold, was the first comprehensive thought that flitted through my mind as I woke up.

My eyes snapped open, fully prepared to see an open window and maybe a sibling with my blankets in hand.  
But no. My eyes saw nothing but white. Even as I looked down at myself I saw white. So white, in fact that it hurt my eyes.  
'Ow.'  
My eyes shut quickly enough, but I couldn't fall asleep again, because I was shivering and freezing cold.  
Warm fell, and the brightness of wherever I was shifted lower dramatically.  
Where was I?  
Better yet… Who was I? Before I had been wondering about a sibling, which must have drifted though my subconscious— Amnesia?

I could feel myself, not see myself, and…  
"Is there noise here?"  
Yes. I couldn't smell anything, either, but that might have just been because you can't smell yourself.  
I felt my hair out of— habit?— and realized startlingly that it was short. Boy short, rather than—  
[It was chest length, again. The stupid lemon solution of her sister's she used, like two years ago made the bottom half shades lighter than the rest. It was too bad she'd have to cut it shoulder length again, to get it off…]  
Was that a memory? Playing around the room like some 3D movie?  
And whose was it? Mine? I had to say, the person looked very familiar, with brown eyes and dark blond to light brown hair.  
J-?  
And suddenly I wasn't in the weird room where I wasn't seen, and something zoomed past at the speed of sound. I was on a dimensional, wickedly fast roller coaster, and I was terrified.  
Screams could not, would not escape my throat and I had trouble taking in air.

Everything stopped, and I succumbed to blackness.

* * *

My back arched wildly and silent whimpers escaped my lips as a cold hand was placed on the small of my back.  
A buzz was strangely absent, which I wondered about— _why would there be a buzzing?_ The corner of my mind that wasn't terrified demanded of my subconscious.  
I looked at the face of the person holding me— A man with black hair and eyes, looking at me with disapproval.  
'Why?' I tried to say, but my mouth couldn't form the word. The man's face slid into a blank one that betrayed no emotion.  
'Why?'  
"Goodbye," he said coolly. "The Uchiha clan will mourn."

What? Who the hell were the Uchiha clan, anyway, and what did they have to do with me?

His hand, which had a gleaming metal thing [knife, stupid] that looked lethally sharp and pointy, looked ready to move across my throat and be done with the who debacle, so I squirmed ridiculously so as to stop him from trying.  
It turns out that the motion was unnecessary, as a wicked-fast object caught him to a tree, unaware.  
I couldn't understand a word that was being said, but I curled in on myself, thinking.  
'What is going on?'

I was picked up by someone quickly, but not before I caught a glance at the now dead man who was trying to kill me moments before.  
I was moving quickly— or, rather, being moved quickly. It was nowhere near as fast as the roller coaster from hell, but enough to make me nauseous.  
I was taken into another white room, but there was more than just white— and it certainly wasn't a memory like before. I could see my hands, stubby and small [fingers that were long and lovely, seemingly crafted specifically to play the instrument, but I knew better], and a white blanket that crumpled near the first half, and was smooth the rest [My entire body was decked out at the hospital bed, almost the same size as the mattress...]  
There was someone touching my face ["I don't really like it when people touch me for stupid reasons. I mean, I don't care if you nudge my shoulder to get my attention, but boys doing 'Scoop' is the most annoying thing in this entire freaking school,"], which was cold-ish at the ends like someone with cream or salve on their fingers.  
The nurses whispered something I couldn't decipher, and I became aware that I was in a hospital.

Now, I was somehow aware that I had been in a hospital before [Only once or twice had I ever been in a hospital for myself, and my own personal heath. The first would have been when I was born, and the second when I needed eye surgery. The rest were just visits...], and I wasn't scared at all. I knew diseases could be spread easily in hospitals, but surely my immune system wasn't so weak anymore?

[Jessica, all immune systems are weak when you're young.]

Jessica?

Who was that?

Jessica was Fiji, a water and a blonde, but she was also a strong brunette, and a little girl with [ridiculously spindly locks, and a spattering of freckles here and there- her glasses were askew and a stupid grin...]

Jessica was me.

_Jessica was me._

A few memories came racing back [My sister, brothers, "Of course you're my best friend!", years and days standing in front of a mirror, in front of books, Book, books, I had always loved books: Harry Potter Hunger Games Divergent Percy Jackson The Clique A Series of Unfortunate Events Dear Dumb Diary Diary of a Young Girl Books Books Books...] and I inhaled sharply.

A nurse sped in front of me- "Shock, she might be in shock!" ["I'm in shock! Look, I've got a blanket!"]-

* * *

Again, I woke up, and I was somewhere near home.

But this wasn't home, home was the yellow house with the pool and the fireplace, and mom and dad and my sister and brothers, and Mickey The Dog [But not Mickey Mouse, Mickey Mantle-] and smiling pictures over the mantle...

This was another home, that I knew, but couldn't remember, but it was home...

I was put into a cradle next to a tiny boy [But why would I need a cradle?] who didn't look quite so tiny.

Sa-?

My eyes were closing, and I was so tired and the bed was warm...

My dreams were vivid. They were memories, and I knew when I woke up, I would remember two selves, which didn't quite make sense...?

The first three-quarters were of the first, of Jessica, the little Tumblrite, the reader, the American writer with a set of non-published stories waiting in her head at all times...

The last quarter was of a girl who was two months old, one named Uchiha.

* * *

**Sorry not sorry. Yes, I did make her an Uchiha.**

**Um.**

**I actually have a vague plot and no beta reader, if anybody wants to help...?**


	2. Birthday

**Ohey new chapter. Not too sure where I'm going with this, but... Enjoy!**

* * *

My second parents named me Kaiya, forgiveness, in hopes that I would forgive them for giving me away. My mother, whose name I learned was 'Mikoto', had wanted to keep me, even though... I couldn't earn something called 'Sharingan'. My eyes were brown again, but I didn't understand why that would pertain to earning something. Was it an award or something?

I only stayed with my family, the first- or was it second- for around a week. Then I was sent away to the other parents' house. The conversation, from what I heard of it, had a lot of words I didn't understand.

_Sharingan._

_Sha-rin-gan._

_Mikoto U-chi-ha._

_Clan dys-func-tions._

_Chak-ra hyper-sen-si-tive._

And suddenly it clicked. From my first life, there was a television show I started watching, but I read about the rest of the plot on some place called fanfiction... Since the show got canceled? No, there were tons of episodes... It stopped playing! On... Flicks? Internet flicks?

Net flicks. Netflix! Where I watched my TV shows!

There was a character named Sasuke, and Mikoto was his mother... A brother named Itachi, I think? Otouto?

I didn't know what that meant, and I would ask as soon as I was able to talk. Unfortunately... I didn't know how.

I could understand most words, but I could only say a few of them. My mouth didn't seem to want to form them correctly.

I was given to a pair of Uchiha outcasts who lived way out of the Konoha borders, but close enough that I could be checked up upon, not that they'd want to.

Sachi and Hiroto, my guardians were unable to use the Sharingan due to certain circumstances (which they would never tell me but I would find out sooner or later), and weren't able to have children.

They were married, former ninja but were still... 'loyal' to the Leaf, or at least as much as an Uchiha can be.

My veins itched again. I was painfully aware of the- What was it called, again? Chakra? - veins beginning to grow and itch under my skin, which I obviously couldn't scratch without physically damaging my skin.

Either way, I kept trying to scratch them from [Above my skin, even though it was my throat that was hurting. I ate lots of crackers and hard foods, which didn't work at all because of my saliva breaking them down too much. Instead, I opted for having a cough drop, which helped, but only minimally-] the outside.

I was a year old when the first interesting thing happened.

* * *

My family decided to visit. I saw a kind faced woman with a sad smile, a small child who wasn't very small compared to me, and a baby around my age that I somehow felt a connection to.

The thing is, I had a twin in my first life. ["Do you have twin telepathy?"] I never did have twin telepathy, but I was very good at reading his emotions and occasionally knew what he was going to say next.

But nothing like this, oh no.

I _knew _I had some kind of connection with this boy, somewhere in my brain. Not telepathic, really, but I knew him.

Somehow.

I knew about the anime, and how ridiculously dangerous it was to live in this world, but I decided to like it until it became that way.

Mikoto said something to Sachi, "Too bad Fugaku couldn't celebrate their birthday," or something like that.

Fugaku? Was that my father?

Either way, I crawled up to her, and flailed my arms with a smile. Usually, when Sachi and Hiroto had guests, which was around once a month, they thought I was adorable and maybe played with me for a while. I was pretty bored most of the time, because my guardians didn't know how to play right and visitors were _exotic _and _new._

She smiled that sad smile of hers and put the baby in the little kids' arm (wasn't that dangerous?) picked me up, whispered something I couldn't decipher in my ear.

There was two packages in her bag, and she left them on the table after I was put down.

I crawled onto the chair and tried getting it, curious, but the kid spoiled my plans.

"Those are for later," he informed me, and I stifled a frown. Um, news flash? I was _bored. _This was more my house than his, and that meant I could open whatever packages whenever I wanted. Hmph.

"Who you?" I managed.

"Itachi."

"Sasuke," I heard, "Come meet your twin sister."

His rosy cheeks were pudgy, and I put a finger out to poke them, to see if they really were as squishy as they looked.

He turned his face, and I pouted. He wasn't a fun playmate!

I tugged on his hand, and crawled into my room. Surprisingly, he followed. I faintly heard the sound of laughter.

Finding what I was looking for, I took the small, blue ball in my hand and bounced it. Sasuke looked delighted, and he rushed to catch and bounce it himself.

Itachi walked in the room.

I tried throwing the ball at his face, but failed completely.

He looked at me dryly.

The day continued like that, until it was finally time for dinner.

We had some kind of rice balls, which was weird because we usually had fancier food when people were over.

Sakuke dove right into it, and everyone else ate normally. The rice balls tasted weird, and I realized that Sachi hadn't cooked today, and Mikoto must have brought them.

After that, we had a strawberry cake that I really liked, but Sasuke picked at distastefully.

I didn't understand- Why wouldn't he like cake?

Didn't everyone love food overloaded with sugar and red fruits?

Before they left, I was allowed to open the package. The paper on top was giving me difficulty. When Hiroto gently pulled it off for me, I peeked at the inside. There were two hair ribbons, and a necklace with some weird fan-like symbol as the pendant. I had seen it often around the house, but usually on clothing or a notebook I wasn't supposed to see.

I took the first ribbon, red and thick, and played with it in my hand. When I looked up again, they were gone.

Either way, after that, life went back to boring, mundane, and boring.

* * *

**I'm trying to portray her as very childish. Is it working?**


	3. Chakra and Ninja

**I made a new chapter, yay. Also: I have five reviews! I love you all.**

* * *

Every day, when I was really little, the veins I was told were for 'charka' or 'chakra' or whatever itched and burned in my body. I cried a lot, trying to scratch them out, or put ice on them.

Some days, it wasn't as bad as others, where it only mildly annoyed me, and other days the itch was my sole focus.

Soon, it faded completely. After that, I felt the stuff inside the veins, and realized, to my delight, that I could move it. When I wasn't trying to move it, it went a certain way, and I could make it go the other way. But, I didn't really understand what it did. Veins transported blood, which had oxygen and vitamins and things your body needed. The flow of blood could not be changed unless your smooth muscles decided to fuck with you and move the other way, which honestly would never happen in anywhere but fiction.

If I tried hard enough, it would come to my hands softly, glowing an ethereal blue. One time Hiroto saw me, and I waved my hand happily. He looked shocked, and asked where I learned that. I looked at him questioningly. We lived in the middle of the woods. Nobody was here except for Hiroto, Sachi, and the occasional visitor.

"Nobae'!" I shouted. I was trying to say 'Nobody', but I couldn't really speak well.

He understood, and ran off to write something in his room.

There was a knock at the door about an hour later. I assumed it was the ninja we hired to bring our groceries once a week, but instead, when Sachi let him in, it was a man. _Fugaku, _I thought. _My father._

My guardians had shown me pictures of my family, hoping I wouldn't resent them as much as much if I knew them better. Fugaku had the least pictures, and I really didn't think of him as a parent. I wasn't explicitly told to address him as 'Father', so I never did.

I never really thought of having parents anymore. Having two guardians, and... adult figures (sometimes) was enough. Fugaku was Fugaku. Mikoto was Mikoto. Sachi was Sachi and Hiroto was Hiroto.

I thought of Itachi as more of a cousin than a brother, and Sasuke a friend I didn't get to see often.

Anyway, they talked about something for a few minutes while I played with my ribbon.

Fugaku's smiling face appeared in front of me. It creeped me out a little, actually.

"Can you expel your chakra from your hand again?"

"Huh?" I replied.

"Kaiya," Hiroto said gently, "Can you make your hand blue again?"

"Yah!" I concentrated really hard, and it appeared, after a minute.

I waved my hand.

* * *

Hiroto wrote books on chakra theory before I was born, apparently, and was somewhat famous. Not very, mind you.

When I was four, I was looking through his bookshelf for something to read (I had long since grown out the children's books bought on my most recent birthday), when I stumbled upon it. Well. I say stumble, but I had seen an interesting fiction book, and it had fallen on my head while trying to get it.

"Ow," I mumbled, tears pricking out my eyes.

I picked up the two books and scrutinized them. The first, the one I wanted originally, was a short story called 'Melody of the Shinobi'. It looked pretty interesting. The next book was... 'Chakra Theory and Basics For Beginners', by Uchiha Hiroto.

Huh?

I wandered up to Sachi, who was stretching her arms.

"Sachi-neechan!" I exclaimed.

She looked up at me.

"Yes?"

"This book!" I started, "It has Hiroto-niisan's name on it!"

"Well, it looks like his book. Did you take it from his library?"

"Mhm."

"You should ask first," she scolded. "Anyway, it only says his name in case he loses it, they know who to return it to."

"No," I protested, "It says _by _Uchiha Hiroto! So he made it, right? Is he an author? Why didn't you guys tell me?"

"Oh," she laughed, "That's from before you were born. Hiroto wrote textbooks for the Academy."

"The Academy? What's that?"

"It's the school for ninja."

"Really? Can I go?"

"I don't know..." She sighed. "Your parents can decide that."

"But-"

A glare.

* * *

The next time I saw my 'family' was when I turned five.

They said 'No' to me being a ninja.

...

I didn't really care, anyway. Ninja were stupid, anyway.

...

No matter how cool they were.

...

It wasn't fair! Sasuke was going! And Itachi was a ninja!

...

Was it because of that 'Sharingan' thingy?

...

What _was _Sharingan, anyway?

I asked Sasuke, after the little braggart he was told me all about how _cool _his niisan was for being a _super awesome ninja. _And he was going to learn how to be one at _the Academy._

He said it was the super-awesome eye jutsu that only Uchiha could have.

I asked why they said I couldn't get it.

Mikoto stepped in just then.

"We have to go, sweetie. We'll see you soon!"

_Oh thanks._

_That really answered my freaking question._

* * *

I kept asking everyone I saw why I couldn't get Sharingan, and most of them were startled and didn't know how to respond. Hiroto and Sachi got angry arter the eighth person and I got my colored pencils taken away.

Whatever. I didn't need the Sharingan, anyway. Who cares?

Ninja, Sharingan, they were really _stupid. _I could be an aerialist.

Aerialists were way cooler than ninja. The name seemed way awesomer, too.

I could do my stretches from the last life every day. I used to be a gymnast part-time, and that wasn't too far-off. Right?

I asked if I could try for that, and my guardians had _no idea what an aerialist was._

I sat, thinking about that for a long time.

* * *

**Um. Maybe I'll try for a plot later on...**


	4. Of Aerialists and Konoha

**Yay, new chapter. Nothing much to say about this one...**

* * *

I had asked my guardians to show me some stretches I could use in my quest of becoming an aerialist. They still didn't know _what, _exactly, an aerialist was, so I was forced upon the task of explaining it.

"Well, it's like gymnastics! And acrobatics! But mixed together, like!"

I was not the best with words. But they seemed to understand it well enough...  
"-And they do cartwheels and backflips and they're always really_ pretty _and you can do, like, _dance routines _to the flips and it's really cool and yeah."

"Honey," Sachi started.

"That sounds a lot like a ninja," Hiroto finished.

My face scrunched up.

"No! It's way cooler! Ninja are really stupid, anyway! I don't want to be a ninja!"

"Where," said Hiroto, "Did you even _hear_ of an aerialist?"

"I don't know! Somewhere!"

"We don't even live around _people, _honey. Where did you hear this? Was it a book?"

"Yes! No! Maybe." My face slumped. "I don't know, okay? Do you want me to say I saw it in the tea leaves or something, 'cos Itachi-tan says that's not real."

It was true. The last time he had come over, I entertained the idea of magic and prophecies (jokingly, of course), and he shot me down quicker than a bullet.

I can't remember what he said, exactly; but I can remember pretty well how I responded.

"Calm down, Mr. Scientist Ninja (I thought I was pretty funny, coming up with that)! I'm six, not stupid. I know magic and stuff like that's not real!"

Sachi sighed, and pursed her lips together in a way that made me certain the conversation was over. Hiroto went off to practice calligraphy, or whatever he did in his free time, when he didn't teach me basic math skills and reading (not that I needed that, I loved to read and knew grammar well), and things a civilian ought to know. I knew some ninja things, too, thanks to my rarely-seen-on-screen brothers.

Not enough to let me pass the Academy, mind you, but pretty good, anyway.

I went back to my room to draw. Back in my first life, I was an okay artist. I could draw realistically, but I'd always had trouble with shading and noses and things like that. I'd preferred a more cartoonish style, but my new hands weren't coordinated enough for intricate pictures.

I was trying to draw a picture of Sasuke, because when I showed him my picture of Itachi the last time he visited, he thought was really good and he wanted a portrait, too.

I liked Sasuke. As a person, I mean. Twincest is not cool, and should not be shipped.

I didn't remember much of the plot from the show Naruto, but I did remember Sasuke betraying Konoha because of... Someone dying, I didn't remember who, but it had a huge impact on his way of thinking. And he went to a Snake-guy?

No, I think that was before, but I'm not positive...

* * *

I'd convinced Sachi to take me on walks around the forest where we lived. I was peaceful here, and breathtakingly beautiful. During the summer, all the lightning bugs would come out and lightly dot the air, while the small stream a few meters away bustled and it was so full of _life._

I always enjoyed our nature walks.

Sometimes, a ninja would be camping out with their team, and sense us. Sachi would smile and introduce herself, gently nudging me to do the same. All while reaching into her bag to pull out her old hitai-ate, and invite them into our house for the night. They almost always declined, but I got my hair braided by a konoichi once, and ate dinner with a team once or twice.

* * *

Sometimes Sachi or Hiroto left to buy things at Konoha, but one of them always stayed home with me. This was the first time I had come with them to see Konoha. I has to practice my manners for three days straight beforehand, however, and I wasn't supposed to speak out of turn and such.

I mostly only used formal manners when we had guests and that was it, but perhaps it was different in a hidden village?

Anyway, we walked for a long while, and Hiroto had to pick me up a few times to make sure I could continue walking once we were in Konoha.

A bored looking man stopped us once we reached the gates. He raised his eyebrow once he saw me, but when he saw my guardian, he brightened immediately.

"Hiroto! Haven't seen you in a while, ne?" He smiled.

"It's nice to see you again, Souta. Ah, I'm just here with Sachi and our ward, Kaiya."

"It's nice to meet you," He smiled.

"Likewise!" I squeaked.

Hiroto handed some papers over, and the ninja nodded and let us in.

It was… Huge. Pretty. Colorful. And there were lots of people. I was a little overwhelmed, because I was used to... Well. Not this!

Sensing my disbelief, probably, Sachi just took my hand and went to a store.

We tried on pretty dresses and clothes. By the time I was hungry and it was time for lunch, we had splurged on at least four bags of clothing. I had talked to _tons _of people, and most of them pinched my check (which hurt), and commented on my politeness.

Ha! As if...

* * *

We were going to a ramen stand or something like that called 'Ichiraku Ramen'. I had to keep the name down on a note-sheet as our meeting place, and memorize it.

I'd never had restaurant made ramen, only the instant kind for when I was too lazy to make lunch.

Sachi sat with me, waiting for Hiroto, until she realized she left a bag or whatever back at one of the stores. Apparently she knew the owner well enough to leave me there to wait, and let me order whatever.

I got chicken ramen, not comfortable with much else. I liked beef well enough, but Hiroto always made it wrong and I just...

I was waiting for it to be finished when some blonde weirdo bounded up to me excitedly.

...The main character...

Uzumaki Naruto...

"Hi! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I'm gonna be the next Hokage! I've never seen you before, are you new?"

"It's nice to meet you, Uzumaki-san... I am Uchiha Kaiya. I don't live in town, I'm just here for a visit. So, to answer your question, yes, I am 'new' here." Geez, did I sound like a try-hard or what?

"Cool! What're you calling me 'Uzumaki-san' for? I'm just Naruto!"

"Okay, then... Naruto-san. What ramen are you planning on getting?"

"Miso!"

* * *

We left soon afterwards, but I don't think I'll ever quite forget my first meeting with Konoha's Most Unpredictable Ninja.

* * *

My family missed my seventh birthday. They had something to do, and I didn't get to see them that year. Maybe next year...

* * *

**Now, class, can you tell me why that isn't going to happen?**


	5. Massacre

**Yay, new chapter. :D**_  
_

**And new reviewers. You know who you are. I love all of you.**

**Shoutout to Yami Mizuna for getting the question last chapter correct.**

**EDIT: Fixed the formatting. Everything's in italics, now... Notes, thoughts, and snide comments which are also thoughts are in italics. Jessica's narration is also in italics.**

* * *

_"You know when grown-ups tell you everything's going to be fine, but you really think they're lying to make you feel better?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Everything's going to be fine."_

_~The Eleventh Doctor and Amelia Pond, Doctor Who_

* * *

It was a pretty normal autumn day, _that _day. You probably know which day I'm talking about. Who am I kidding. _Of course_ you know what day I'm talking about.

I got up, stretched, and hopped around the forest doing cartwheels and back handsprings while Hiroto laughed and stifled a few chuckles. My hair, [curly and light brown] black and straight, was tied in a messy ponytail with loose strands straddling my face.

For lunch we had some rice and vegetables, and I spilled tea all over Sachi. She smiled and helped me clean it. (Would I ever see the smile again?)

That night, before I went to bed, they got a hawk, and they conversed in low tones. I got into my pajamas, and brushed my hair. I couldn't hear them anymore, but I thought it was because they were done discussing the letter.

When I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, there was a large note in red marker. There was a box placed on the counter, glossy, with the clan symbol on the front.

I read the note first, although I was very tempted to open the box.

_Kaiya:_

_Something came up very quickly at the main clan compound, and we should be home soon. I'm hoping you won't need to get this message, but if you do, we probably won't be back for longer than expected. Please sort out the white clothes._

_Love,_

_Sachi and Hiroto_

(I kept that.)

I sighed, walking into my room.

I was scared, somewhat, of sleeping in an empty house. However, I knew there was a genjustu on the house to make it look invisible to anyone passing by. I was in a house full of ninja weapons, and I sort-of maybe stole a few taijutsu scrolls and practiced them when my guardians weren't looking.

I was dead, wasn't I?

That night... My eyes hurt. They felt kinda weird and stuff, but there was a splitting headache, and-

_Blood, blood everywhere and the bodies are sprawled throughout the house_

_a black-haired man is killing them_

_killing_

_he doesn't even care_

_and there's sachi, sachi, sachi, broken on the floor next to hiroto and_

_suddenly there's another room mom mom mom_

_shes fighting and the killer is itachi and she lets him kill her and_

* * *

I wake up to black. The area around my eyes is itchy, and I touch it gingerly. It's a bandage. Why is there a bandage on my eyes? Surely they weren't as bad as last time, when I had a lazy eye and surgery was required to keep it straight.

After I took the bandage off, it was white.

Not the white, the first white, but, rather, another hospital. My body fills out half of the bed.

I never needed to go to the hospital, rather than for shots when I wasn't developed enough to speak. Usually, Hiroto and Sachi could heal whatever I got pretty well.

Why would they bring me here, now? Maybe it was my nightmare?

I know, sometimes, people fell out of the bed and hurt themselves, but, nothing more than my head hurts, and maybe my arm. Looking down on it, I see it's bandaged as well.

_Ouch._ I think as the pain catches up to me.

Where are Hiroto and Sachi? After that horrible, _horrible_, nightmare, I need to see them.

_I need to._

* * *

They're dead.

The nurse tried to break it to me softly, but they're dead and Mikoto and Fugaku is dead and Itachi's stupid friend who came with him to my house once is dead and Itachi killed them all and I really really just want them to go away.

Everyone was acting so _stupid._

_Of course I'm not okay._

_Of course I'm scared._

_Of course it's confusing._

_Don't tell me it isn't._

I can't tell them that, obviously. They'll think I'm emotion, stupid. _Weak._

Sasuke is alive, but so is Itachi, my _brother who killed everyone else._

I feel betrayed.

At least Sasuke's still there. I don't think I would be this okay if he wasn't. We have some kind of connection, I know.

He's seen it too. e main characcter?

We don't talk about it, but I can feel he does, too.

It's kind of surreal, being able to stay near him for so long. Usually we were apart, and only saw each other on birthdays and special occasions.

_The only reason we can do this is because our family is dead._

Apparently I'm not allowed to live in my house anymore. Something about it not being safe, but I don't understand how, if this sort of thing can happen, did happen, why 'here' is safe.

* * *

_Hello. I'm Jessica. The main character? Well. I only know that because..._

_Anyway. I'm the other part of her... The part that remembers everything... _

_The subconscious._

_I know exactly what happened the night of the Uchiha Clan massacre. It was my hobby, as Jessica, to read, and find mysteries... _

_I hold tons of resentment toward my family, each and every one of them. But I know it is worthless to act on the resentment, especially because only five of them are still alive. Itachi, Madara, Obito, Sasuke... And me. I'm not supposed to fit in the equation, though._

_Certain genes were suppressed so I wouldn't._

_The Sharingan. If only I could have it for the future... I'll need it..._

_I'm trying to send hints to Sasuke that Itachi is not at fault, that revenge is not the answer. I know he will not listen, but I hope he'll be swayed, a little bit._

* * *

I've decided to go to the Academy. It was completely against my parents' wishes, but...

I'll get stronger with Sasuke.

I will.

* * *

**And... There's the Clan Massacre. Planning on using this story for NaNoWriMo, and I don't know if I'll update during November... *Shrug***


	6. Post

**Um, so sorry this chapter is late. I was suffering post-book withdrawal. Enjoy!**

**...Ish.**

* * *

The girls at the Academy were annoying.

Everyone there was so stupid, anyway.

At first, there was a wide berth between us- by us I mean Sasuke and I. They kept their distance, thinking we had gone through a_ tragedy_, we needed _comfort_, and _extra help, _and you know what?

Maybe we did. Maybe we did, but we were Uchiha, no matter what bloodlines ran through us, or previous memories, and Uchiha did not _crack_, did not need _help, _and certainly did not need everyone to treat us as if we were porcelain dolls, about to be dropped at a moment's notice.

Sasuke and I didn't talk. Not to each other, not to classmates, except when needed. I was polite, and so was he, but underneath, we couldn't bring ourselves to care about others' problems.

I was certain that being born in the same womb, at the same time, unlocked the latent psychic ability inside every human, even if we were only connected to each other.

When he started to feel particularly regretful, I would throw a rice ball at him, the kind that I knew was his favorite, and smirk slightly, playing a silent game of _if you're sad, you get hit._

Or, the game I remembered from my first life which seemed quite similar in my mind, _two for flinching._

I felt I was doing well in the Academy, at the very least. I was used to strenuous exercise, having to do most of the chores around the house, combined with stretching, and runs through the woods, as well as my aerialist training.

I was listening in school, which was a big help to learning. My mind was open to learning, even learning about how to kill, and I felt smug about my abilities. Uchiha were supposed to be born geniuses, right?

It probably helped that my brain was developing, but at the same time, my personal self was developed. My thoughts, who I was.

I had noticed a while back that my facial features were the same, but all the pigments wrong. It was like I was a picture in a coloring book- supposed to colored one way, but the one actually coloring doesn't know that.

But, instead of my color-er being creative, with more colors, they've limited themselves to simply dark, and light.

* * *

After the mourning period was over, as if you could even call it that, I realized that a lot of people (people meaning girls), liked my brother in a romantic way. Now, I wasn't exactly used to this. My oldest brother in my first life was relatively handsome, but girls weren't fawning over him so... obviously. Or stupidly, for that reason.

It seemed that all but a few weren't throwing themselves on him, and I stuck to talking mainly with boys, or the ever-shy Hyuga Hinata.

If I talked at all. It was mostly school things, like asking for a pencil, or maybe notes on a day when I missed class, which didn't happen too often.

I sparred at 'home', some, but it wasn't home to me. It wouldn't ever be.

A part of me was insistent on calling the yellow house in the suburban street in America home. Another was telling me that a house in the woods was mine.

This? This empty, cold house with too much room, not enough occupants, and reminders of death everywhere? This was not home. But it wasn't horrible or bloody. It wasn't unpleasant. In fact, if I could see children growing up here, glimpses of how it should have been: a stern father with gentleness underneath, a loving mother, the standoffish yet loving older brother, and the two twin who couldn't be separated.

Instead...

This. As Jessica, I had always wanted my life to be interesting. Got that wish, right?

I felt like a whiny teenager in all of my ramblings. If Sasuke could somehow hear my thoughts, I would be ashamed, but he couldn't understand English, anyway.

* * *

"Hi, Kaiya," Ino said, blushing.

"Is there a problem, Yamanaka-san? I don't exactly appreciate you disrupting me when I am obviously trying to read."

During lunch, I usually ate and read. If anyone but the teacher tried talking to me, I would usually lash out on them. However, I didn't know Ino well, and her father was the head of her clan. She was also a terrible gossip, and I really didn't was fangirls after my ass, no matter how well I could ruin their lives.

"Oh, um..." She started. "I just wanted you to give this to your brother for me..."

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand why you can't give it to him yourself," Of course I did. It was a freaking confession. You don't exactly give those to the person yourself, especially if that person was my twin brother...

She flushed.

"Don't get me wrong, I'll give it to him," I said. "...But do try giving love notes to the person themselves, or, better yet, someone who may actually reciprocate your feelings."

Her face fell.

"Are you-?"

"Yeah. I'm sure." I knew what it was like when your crush didn't like you back. The crushing realization that made your heart hurt and your brain whispered softly, '_I told you so_'.

* * *

Naruto and I became acquaintances, but it was really hard for me to keep my temper 97783% of the time I was with him.

So I tried not to hand out with him so often. It was difficult when he was such a clingy person, but I was able to nonetheless.

The bad thing was...

...I had replaced Sakura...

When Sasuke finds out, I just _know_ it won't be pretty.

"Hi, Kaiya!" Naruto exclaimed. "Do you wanna go out for ramen with me afterschool?"

"Sure," I said, "But you're paying, it's not a date, and if you tell anyone, I'll send your genitals back to before Konoha was around!"

* * *

**I love my characters.**


	7. AN and Sasuke

**Sorry for... The wait? I'm rewriting the story, and I didn't just want to put one whole Author's note as a chaptet, so. **

**I hope to get the new story up soon, but holidays and social studies class and such. You know the deal. I was wondering if it would bother anyone if there was a _lot_ more pre-massacre Kaiya stuff. Also, what do you think the name for the new story should be? I was thinking of just leaving this one up, and posting a new story, and that would require a title... And I don't want to reuse titles. Maybe, if I just put Old Glacial Waters as this one? Or do you think that Glacial Waters could have a better title?**

**Augh. I've been rambling too long.**

**Here's some Sasuke!ramblings/POV.**

* * *

She'd always seemed normal. Kaiya, that is. She was just a stupid playmate at first, I wasted each of my birthdays at her weird house in the woods, and she drew pictures for me.

I realize now that absolutely everything about her is abnormal.

She was my twin sister. Nobody knew about her other than my mother, father... And _that man_.

She couldn't get Sharingan. Something about her eyes not being compatible... Probably because they were brown. No Uchiha's eyes were brown.

I entertained the idea of my mother... Having an affair. But she wouldn't do that. Not her.

But perhaps... They said eyes were the windows into the soul.

_Did she have the wrong soul?_

It seems preposterous, the idea.

But my family always believed the supernatural was real, what made us such a high-class clan...

It occurs to me that _that man_ never believed in it. The supernatural, the oddities. But he was supposedly a genius. Maybe the gods gave him an extra gift, knowing he would use it wrongly... And I would kill him. Has it been laid out already?

Have the Fates written my future?

I don't know where she fits in. Her mannerisms are wrong. They can be cool and detached, using a formal speaking tone, but when she gets home, she is a mess of slang and un-Uchiha like.

She says things sometimes. things nobody understands, and at night, she has nightmares that push her to mumble furiously in another language. I've never heard it before. How did she even learn it?

Her artistry is ridiculously good, I'll say that. She says she has something called 'Photographic memory', whatever that is. I don't understand how it lets her draw a person so well, despite having seen them only a few times, without reference.

Is it like the Sharingan? Her soul is in the wrong body, so the chakra tries to compensate, letting her have a partial Sharingan at all times?

It makes a little sense.

* * *

I can feel her in my head, though. Feeding off general emotions. She played a game, whenever I felt particularly bad, she threw an onigiri at me.

I hated it.

But I could pick up on her emotions as well; sometimes thoughts, and even dreams.

Her nightmares are peculiar.

They feature people with odd facial features, staring disapprovingly and saying things I don't understand. She seems to be made fun of about her hair and skin, I think, which I don't understand.

She cries, sometimes, and in the mornings she stares at the bleach for a long time.

I don't get it.

We don't talk too often, but one conversation in the hospital sticks out in my mind.

"I saw some of Itachi's mind-rape, you know." And there it was, her speaking so callously. She'd never spoken like that before.

"Excuse me?"

"Listen, you and I know pretty well that we have some sort of connection with our minds, presumably because of the closeness of growth and having grown at the same time. Whatever. I saw part of whatever Genjutsu he subjected you to. Did you know I was in a coma before? Did they tell you?"

They hadn't.

"I didn't know."

She seethed for a minute. "Of course not. You know what? I'm sorry, but I need you to talk to me a little bit about this. You want revenge, yes? Tell me everything. What was his behavior like beforehand? What were his intended reasons for killing everyone I had ever interacted with in my life?"

That hit hard. I kept forgetting that Kaiya knew these people as well. Her life was isolated, and she must have craved interaction...

I told her.

* * *

**I'm a little anxious as to how everyone will respond to this, but here's a definite good thing—I have eighteen reviews, which is absolutely lovely (considering this has less words than my other one). I'm really happy you guys liked it.**

**Leave a review, if you like!**


	8. Bad Days

**Er. Hello! Yes, an update. And it's real this time! Sorry if this story is confusing, I still have plans of rewriting it... And the title will probably not be that interesting, by the way. There'll probably be a drop in the Wave Arc, hmm.**

* * *

I look into eyes. They're cold and frigid, but burning with an intensity I can clearly see. It's like looking into an infinite chasm that just gets deeper and deeper, and the more I look, the more I get pulled in. These eyes are harsh, and I both want to keep looking and run away.

I can hardly believe that they're mine. Mine used to be so kind, so bright.

And one day, a day I absolutely dread, I won't be able to remember them.

It should be a nice day. By all other accounts, it is a nice day. My nightmares have been gone for days, and last night was clear for more pleasant ones. I'm doing fine in school, my room is clean, my hair was nice when I woke up, I'm wearing my favorite clothes, and I'm very healthy.

So why do I feel like I'm tearing apart at the seams?

I don't talk to Sasuke that morning. Hell, I don't talk to _anyone _that morning. My lessons are easy for someone with knowledge like mine, even though they're a small bit challenging. Nobody talks to me. I like it that way, and everyone can tell.

Just like I can tell that today is not a good day.

* * *

My predictions tend to come true, and today was not an exception. I walk into the lunch area outside, and walk over to my tree. My brother is holding Naruto's neck to the tree tightly, his face an open picture of fury.

"That's my _sister!" _he screams, a far cry from the terrifying Shippūden Sasuke I had seen back home, but still enough to get me angry as well.

"Sasuke!" I glare. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

His face drops. "I was just—"

"Naruto, you idiot, quit it with the face," I start, flicking the sad puppy dog look off him, "And Sasuke, no matter what this idiot does, don't let him get to you so much you try and kill him. It won't work out for you. _Ever." _I sighed.

So did Sasuke. He let go, and and the whiskered boy scampered off so fast he gave chūnin a run for their money.

"What I don't understand is why you pay so much attention to that dobe," he scowled.

"And what _I_ don't understand," I replied easily, "Is why you're such a jealous idiot when I have a_ friend_."

"I'm not jealous because you have a friend." He mumbled.

"What was that?"

"I said... I'm not jealous because you have a friend." He said, a little louder this time.

"One more time?" I teased.

A glare.

How original.

It kind of kills me to see him like this, feel his frustration over something I don't understand. Why is he so worked up over this? Maybe... The only reason he let me be friends with Hinata is because she's from a powerful clan? And he doesn't think Naruto is good enough? Wow, possible-Sasuke, you're an ass. I do what I want.

Within reason and inhibitions, and all part of the complex plan I've been silently drawing in my head for years, based on knowledge from a TV show.

Ooh, I'm definitely a terrifying villain. The sad thing is, in the show, just being an Uchiha is a great way to guarantee power. And with power comes corruption. I wasn't about to delude myself by saying that my family was all perfectly sane, maybe overpowered individuals. That's bullshit, and I know it. The majority of them went absolutely insane. And, by being reborn as one? I'm terrified I'm gonna go the same way. Absolutely.

The ones still alive right now are all going to be, or _are _bad. At least my psychotic, massacring older brother redeems himself in the end. It's awful, though, that he has to come back. If I died, and was forced back into the land of the living— Oh, wait.

* * *

So, I get told off a lot. Well, not necessarily _told off_, because if someone is seen yelling at one of the last Uchiha's— Well. It's another Social Status Thing. Nicknamed in my head SOSTI for short.

A lot of people, surprisingly, don't like seeing a demon kid with an honored high status clan member, talking peacefully at each other. Gosh. I guess life's weird like that. No idea why that would happen. Honest.

Of course, viciously telling off the people who reprimanded me for it probably made me a sort of undesirable person. But, what can you do? I've always had an awful temper, and I wasn't about to drop it now. How many years have I had that bad habit? (_one two three four five seven thirteen sixteen nineteen—) _I wasn't really bothered enough to do the math.

At school, my sensei usually thought I was a brat. Well, why not? Arrogantly pulling answers out of my ass after not paying attention for twenty minutes usually ends up with someone getting angry. But who were they to tell me what to do with my life? My second chance, a new start.

So I was gonna be as crazy, arrogant, angry, rude, happy, sad, mischievous, or smart as I wanted. This was probably an awful idea, considering ninja weren't really supposed to feel. Y'know, anything.

But speaking of ninja, I idly wondered what team I would be placed on. Probably Team Seven. Because it would actually make an awful lot of sense, the last two Uchiha's training with the last owner of a Sharingan. Well. The last that we should know of. Other than my older brother, and we don't really want to get into that again.

Would Naruto be on my team? Well, I actually think that, partially, the reason Sakura was placed on Team Seven was because Naruto liked her, and the Hokage wanted Naruto to be happy. Now that I've got her role...

What would I specialize in? Would I be a medic-nin? A genjustsu user? Taijutsu? Ninjutsu? I couldn't think of what I would be. Heh. Jessica the Indecisive comes back to play, doesn't she?

_[But, no, I wasn't her, that was a long time ago, she's hardly even there, I'm Kaiya, I'm Kaiya, Uchiha Kaiya _

_KaiyaKaiyaI'mKaiyanotJessicaanymorenonon onotJessicashe'sgoneandI'mherenow]_

My chakra wasn't really that great, it was more than most students had, but less than Sasuke, and certainly less than Naruto. Maybe I could do weapons? I don't really see myself relying too much on scraps of metal, but they were definitely useful in the long run.

Hmm...

Maybe I'd think about it in the morning.

I could feel something niggling in the back of my mind, and shivers ran suddenly down my back. Is the day getting worse? It can't really, it's night now...

* * *

_Back. Did you miss me? I'm still here, and always will be. Getting rid of years and years is gonna be hard, Kaiya. You shouldn't strain yourself, my mind is yours and my body is the same as well. Don't try if you won't succeed, little scaredy-cat._

_One day I'll be back for real. And... won't that be great?_

* * *

**Oh, wow, semblance of a plot! Jessica is a really creepy person when she's been trapped in a head with nothing to do for years. Eh. She sort of sounds like A from Pretty Little Liars. **

**I'm gonna say this now: Jessica is a huge part of the plotline I've haphazardly pieced together. Don't skip over her stupid little interludes. They'll mean something.**


	9. Vaguely Lighthearted

**Update! Vaguely light hearted chapter, so I'm not piling on the angst. Because that's definitely a thing that will happen. In the future.**

* * *

It's a cruel world, and I can't blame myself for hating it completely.

Okay, I'm lying, and this should probably be credited. I love it. I love this world too, too much for it to be okay, when all I've ever wanted to do was get back home, to see my first family and have them hug me and slap my old enemies and hug my old friends, but I can't do that when I've gotten so _stupidly _attached.

I'm an idiot. I'm a huge, huge _idiot. _I can't imagine going home anymore, not that I even could after I... died.

I would leave behind all the people. Okay, maybe not _all _the people, but...

A sound alerts me that I'm needed elsewhere.

Training time. I'll go out into an open area and stretch, practice katas, jutsus, exercises... It's monotonous and somewhat painful. Only the occasional noise blocks out my thoughts. Mindlessness is what I'd like to achieve, but at the same time I feel like I need to think _more. _

I'm a lot more in shape than I was the last time I was this age, although that's not to say I wasn't in shape. I used to do dance class, gymnastics, and cheer leading I loved to dance. I still do, but it's usually a music-less balter, in the privacy of my bedroom. I miss my music. I miss singing loudly and breaking out into song when someone says a certain word like I'm in High School Musical or something. Like: Naruto: The Musical! ...I probably would have seen it. Would I have?

I don't have a lot of jutsus to practice. There's the academy crap that is unfortunately more difficult than it would seem on-show, a few Uchiha jutsus from scrolls Sasuke and I found in a house wide expedition, and, of course, there's experimental things.

Which I should not be experimenting with [Don't do bad science, kids], but I'm reckless and arrogant because of my genetics, and I'm gonna get myself killed, but not training, so I'm more careful than I would like to be.

I'm better than pretty much everyone in my grade with chakra control, and most kids in the Academy other than Hyugas. Which still doesn't help me build my reserves from 'more than more than most kids but basically shit' to literally anything else. I'm impatient. Guess who's dying on her first mission? If you guessed Uchiha Kaiya, you guessed absolutely freaking correct. Congrats, you've won the prize of watching me try to pull my hair out.

My sarcasm's becoming more evident with the teachers, as well. I've been seeing some disapproving looks. Is it the correct time to say, "#YOLO"? Yeah, it never is. Especially considering how I got here, you know. After dying. You only live several times! If I said that out loud, I think someone would punch me in the face.

Tch.

I'm almost done with my practices, so I'm planning on going to my favorite place to walk around and spy on people—The market in the town square. I'm going to waste a lot of money and feel happy about it when it's over! Besides, I need more pencils, so that's my reasoning.

* * *

Sasuke's making dinner tonight, so I can stay out in the town square a little longer than usual. We have a schedule. I take it more seriously than death.

I'd like to see if I can find western food—it's a little game of mine. One time someone was selling 'sliced potatoes' and I flipped my shit so hard. But usually, I can find cakes and such that you would probably not find in Japan. Then again, where Konoha would be placed in time is a little wonky.

I figure the future. Years, years after a horrifying human purge, the groups of people survived and evolved and forgot, and used old technology they found, and came to create society again. It's a truly beautiful fantasy. I waste way too much time thinking about crap like this, and that's why I only have a 98 in my classes.

I scan over everything again, and I'm become disappointed. There's no western food today, but there is... Wait, is that Kakashi? Oh my god. Do I talk to this guy? He'll be a pretty important person in two of the most important people in my life's lives. I'm gonna bump into him. And then apologize in the rudest possible way. He's not even dressed like a ninja. I can show disrespect.

...Should I?

I bump into him while I'm thinking about bumping into him. Fuck you, choices that choose themselves if you don't choose them in enough time.

"Sorry," He states amusedly. "You were in the way."

I'm gonna kill this guy, oh my god. I'm gonna kill him with troll logic.

"Well if you had noticed that I was in the way, which you probably would have, considering you're a ninja. Don't try and hide it, you're wearing shinobi clothes, the way you hold yourself, in a way that you can defend yourself at a moment's notice. Plus, you've got a mask on, and since it's not flu season, it's highly unlikely that you're sick. So, you bumped into me on purpose. Wow, what a pedophile, you dirty scum. Trying to feel up a little girl, have you no shame? Go fuck yourself," I said vehemently. I turned around and walked briskly back to the Uchiha district while he was protesting.

I won that fight. I definitely won my first fight with a jounin. I'm going to bake a cake.

...Okay, maybe not because that sounded so immature, the whole speech. I feel like a twelve point nine year old on Reddit trying to argue why sexism is okay. Kakashi is going to ruin my life now.

Okay, he's a mature adult, so probably not, right?

Who am I even thinking of kidding? I'm doomed.

* * *

_Doomed? This isn't the nineties, jeez, Kaiya. Well, I'm sure your awful vocabulary will stop once I take over my body again and kill off your personality. Swoon._

* * *

**Leave a review or such if you have any tips, comments, or concrit to give out. Thanks!**


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